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<b>FEATURES</b><br> 104 WE WANT ANSWERS!<br>
JACKIE CHAN<br>
Sticks and stones can break your bones, but who cares if you can single-handedly
bitch-slap six bikers and take on the Chinese Mafia? Pain does not exist in this
dojo.<br>
106 COVER GIRL<br>
MARIAN CAREY<br>
She's suffered the ups and downs of celebrity, but through it all her shirts have
gotten tighter and her shorts shorter. Now, that's our kind of girl—someone
with priorities, dammit!<br>
120 CONFERENCE CALLS<br>
BREAKING IT DOWN<br>
Where will the chips fall come January? Which teams will be tearing through conference
rivals like Kelly Osbourne at a raw bar, and which'Il be packing their bags for
a long winter's nap? We've scoped the AFC and NFC, and here's what we know. Plus,
the real reason God created football: cheerleaders.<br>
142 DANGER ZONE<br>
BOMBS AWAY<br>
Think hidden nukes are just for Kim Jong II? Think again. Handfuls of bombs have
been lost in military accidents, and you could be the next to recover one.<br>
144 TRAINING DAY<br>
GIRLFRIEND OBEDIENCE SCHOOL<br>
New girlfriends are like puppies: loving and playful, needy and incontinent. Follow
our eight-point course and teach them to shit on the newspaper—not on you.<br>
152 LIVE FROM THE FRONT<br>
IRAQ'S WILD WEST<br>
American soldiers police the border town of Al Qaim, where every man in their
midst walks the fine line between friend and foe.Our man on the ground, Adam Piore,
takes you on a tour.<br>
162 AMERICAN BEAUTY<br>
AMANDA SWISTEN<br>
The newest hottie to bless the American Pie franchise, Amanda tarts it up as a
German dominatrix. Achtung, baby!<br>
<b>REGULARS</b><br>
30 READERS' LETTERS<br>
Hear ye, minions! It's your turn to come work at Maxim! Throw your cojones on
the line and enter our contest. We'll weigh and measure 'em and pick the winner
in nine months. See inside for details.<br>
36 JOKES<br>
Your mama's so ugly there's a mask of her face in the wcontraception aisle. Oh-h-h!<br>
38 CIRCUS MAXIMUS<br>
It's the animal kingdom! We've got ballistic bees, elephant orchestras, and cats
as canvases. Plus: New York's best dogs—deep-fried and wrapped in pig. What's
that? PETA calling?<br>
48 MODEL CITIZEN<br>
ANNETTE ROSARIO<br>
The Latina lovely is the hottest thing to come out of Jersey since 100 stereos
fell off the back of a truck on the George Washington Bridge.<br>
58 HOW TO<br>
Date two women and clear a minefield—surprisingly similar tasks. Plus: Build
a radio, wash a car, and make a road kill coat. Who's on line two? Again?<br>
66 SAYS HER<br>
SWORD SWALLOWING<br>
How many licks does it take her to reach the creamy center? We've got five tips
to coax your lady downtown—anytime, anywhere.<br>
74 THE BACHELOR PARTY BIBLE<br>
BOOK ONE: LAS VEGAS<br>
Sex with the same woman...forever? We'll show you how to bravely face your future
with a weekend in Sin City.<br>
80 BODY SHOP<br>
ASK DR. MAXIM<br>
Lying on pins and needles, braving the crimson tide, and a fix for flakes. Okay,
you're done. You can get your clothes back when you pay the nurse.<br>
86 HOT ZONE<br>
Eve goes digital in Ubi Soft's XIII. Plus: the wildest, deadliest, eardrum-blastingest
movie shootouts.<br>
169 MAXIM FASHION<br>
Mod looks that'll have throngs of teenage girls screaming with glee. Floppy hair
optional.<br>
197 TOP GEAR<br>
An MP3 player small enough for your girlish hands and a T-X head scarier than
your ex.<br>
204 BAR EXAM<br>
Executive editor James Heidenry can sing rings around that Clay Aiken.
Title: Maxim # 69, September 2003
Series: Maxim
Item Number: MAXIM069
Good magazine.