Maxim # 93, September 2005

<b>FEATURES</b><br> 70 MAN AT HIS BEST<br>
BREAST YEARS OF HIS LIFE<br>
Back in 1997 he got breast implants to win a bet. Find out why gambler Brian Zembic still has a sweet rack.<br>
96 INSTANT EXPERT<br>
MEAT: CAN&#39;T BEAT IT!<br>
Face it, you don&#39;t know when to barbecue, when to roast, when to grill, and when it&#39;s time for a little bit of hot smoking (shame!). We teach you how to finally become a man.<br>
98 TV-DAY!<br>
FALL TV PREVIEW<br>
Remember when network TV was good? Neither do we, but the new show My Name Is
Earl offers a tiny glimmer of hope for the medium. And fear not, for Sex, Love
&amp; Secrets reminds us there&#39;s plenty of crap on the way, too.<br>
106 RACHEL BILSON<br>
ENDLESS SUMMER<br>
We celebrate Miss Popular as The O.C. enters season three! Don&#39;t act like you&#39;re
not excited.<br>
110 AND THE WINNER IS...<br>
MAXIM&#39;S TV AWARDS<br>
Because there&#39;s no Emmy for Best Infomercial.<br>
114 MAID TO ORDER<br>
NADINE VELAZQUEZ<br>
The hottest TV maid since Marla Gibbs was once just a Catholic schoolgirl prone
to catfights. Great work again, God.<br>
118 SURVIVAL SCHOOL<br>
THE LOST BOYS<br>
Two teens drifted for six days on the ocean with no water or food. Read this before your next fishin&#39;trip with Daddy.<br>
142 COVER GIRL<br>
KELLY MONACO<br>
It seemed that all those years of fox trot lessons were a waste, until we saw
Kelly on Dancing With the Stars. We get down with the woman who puts the &quot;flame&quot;
back in the flamenco.<br>
150 WE WANT ANSWERS!<br>
PAUL RUDD<br>
Trouble getting over a breakup? The star of The 40-Year-Old Virgin advises alcohol.
Meet a deeply wise man.<br>
<b>REGULARS</b><br>
28 READERS&#39; LETTERS<br>
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?<br>
Because having thoughtful discourse is absolutely essential to maintaining an
enlightened populace, dicknose.<br>
36 THE FUNNIES<br>
LAUGH, STUPID!<br>
Aziz Ansari details the eternal struggle that exists between a man&#39;s faith and his lust for bacon.<br>
38 CIRCUS MAXIMUS<br>
TOP COP<br>
The 16 greatest TV policemen face off to determine who most deserves that badge.
Plus, we visit an Austrian beer bath, find a futurologist who explains how we
can all achieve electronic immortality (hint: it involves downloading your brain), discover which mac &#39;n&#39;cheese tastes best for all you college kids out there, and enter the bedroom of the hottest Jersey girl not currently working a pole at the
Bada Bing.<br>
54 HOW TO<br>
SCORE IN CHURCH<br>
And since you&#39;re living dangerously anyway, discover how to perform a body slam, kill a Tyrannosaurus rex, and do your laundry. It&#39;s a lot riskier than you think.<br>
64 GROUP EFFORT<br>
BEG, BORROW, AND STEER<br>
Want to live like a Jay-Z but only have the income of a Hammer? Join the Classic
Car Club and get yourself that Rolls-Royce (approximately every ninth day).<br>
76 CELEBRITY ADVISER<br>
JOHN WATERS<br>
Mr. Pink Flamingos uses his impeccable taste to explain the delicate art of sploshing.
<br>
80 HOT ZONE<br>
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS GIRL?<br>
Meet Nina<br>
Kaczorowski, the stunt woman who proves once and for all that beauty and a high
pain threshold can go hand in hand; then check out the incredibly long-awaited
Jaws video game. (Can that Casablanca PSP title be far off?)<br>
153 TOP GEAR<br>
SCREEN PLAY<br>
Mitsubishi&#39;s Pocket Projector ensures no American shall need to go without theater-quality
viewing even for a few minutes.<br>
163 MAXIM STYLE<br>
FABULOUS FALL<br>
Top designers head overseas, while renowned retailers reveal all the looks that
will be smokin&#39; this season. See if the tube top has at last returned.<br>
188 ASK US ANYTHING<br>
HOW DO HOSPITALS DISPOSE OF BODY PARTS?<br>
It couldn&#39;t have anything to do with that butcher shop next door that sells those
delicious yet bafflingly cheap&quot;steaks.&quot;<br>
<b>THE 2005 MAXIM NFL PREVIEW!</b><br>
126 FOOTBALL FRENZY<br>
TURF WARS<br>
The complete rundown on the upcoming season ...plus a gaggle of cheerleaders showing
why everyone should be watching the sidelines.<br>
128 DIANE TALKS SMACK<br>
132 ALL-MAXIM TEAM<br>
135 JONATHAN VILMA<br>
139 EXPERT ANALYSIS